Almost 21 years ago, I was at our local Humane Society — which back then was a really run down, scary place. I was in the cat section, walking by the rows of cats when a tiny paw reached through the cage and touched my shoulder.
I looked in and saw a tiny little ball of brown fluff, with the sweetest pleading eyes you have ever seen.
I hadn’t stopped by there to adopt a furbaby. I was actually there with my boyfriend at the time, killing a few minutes before we went to a movie.
Being the animal lover that I am, I should have known better. I stayed and pet her through the cage, with her nudging her head up against my fingers. I walked on and looked at the other animals, but kept being drawn back to her cage and that sweet little face.
She had picked me.
As a college student I had very little extra income but decided I could not leave there without her, not knowing what was going to happen to her.
So I filled out the adoption papers, and she was mine.
I have had cats in the past, but she was different. The other cats I had only offered affection on their terms. Kitten was not that way. If you called her name, she would stop what she was doing and come to you every time. She would greet you at the door and would let you pet her until your arm got tired.
The other weird thing was that she would fetch — Christmas bows were her favorite thing. She would fetch over and over, and when any holiday rolled around where someone was getting a gift with a bow on it, she would be frantic with anticipation, waiting for that bow to come off. Not that she always waited until the bow was off … most Christmas gatherings meant me showing up with gifts with no bows as they mysteriously disappeared, or they would have little teeth marks on them from her gnawing on the wrapping.
She also would only drink out of the sink. We always had to leave the faucet on a slow drip; otherwise, she would let us know she had gone too long without a drink. At one point, we tried one of those fountain water bowls, but our other cat would bat at the stream until it ran dry. And that created a horrible, horrible mess.
She was with me through everything: college, new jobs, my first broken heart, a marriage, a toddler, slumber parties, another cat, 3 dogs, and a house full of teenagers. She never asked for anything except affection and the occasional bow that would last her for months.
Two years ago (at 18 years old), she started losing weight and was incredibly hungry and thirsty all the time. After a few tests, we found out she had hyperthyroidism, which would require a special diet and a pill.
That worked and she began to gain some of her weight back, but we noticed she was starting to move a bit slower. We kept her food up on the counter, otherwise the dogs would eat it, and she started to not always be able to jump up all the way, and we had to start lifting her up anytime she needed her drink from the sink.
Then the pills and special food began to stop working, and her frantic hunger and thirst returned. We then had to start giving her a syringe of medication every night — not an easy task as anyone who has had a pet can imagine.
The medication helped, but each month that went by, she started to decline. Stairs began getting harder for her to climb, her coat wasn’t as shiny, and she was losing the sparkle in her eyes.
I knew the end was drawing near, but I kept pushing it out of my mind because I couldn’t bare the thought of losing someone I had spent more years of my life with, than without.
Finally, she started bawling all throughout the night, and I didn’t know if it was from pain or confusion or boredom, but I knew she was over 100 in cat years, was struggling to move, had grown resistant to her medicine, and she wasn’t going to get better. I needed to do something.
On Monday last week, I made an appointment to have her put to sleep on Saturday so the whole family could be there.
I can not tell you how many times I nearly cancelled that appointment. How could I lose my oldest friend? The one that looked up in my eyes with understanding while I cried, who snuggled in my lap in front of the fire, who tolerated a clumsy toddler while she patted her head, and let a little girl dress her in doll clothes. The one that loved my hubby as much as I did and didn’t even mind sharing my lap when the pups came into the picture.
She was an indoor cat that occasionally would sit out on the deck with you a few times a year, but she hadn’t wanted to do that in a long time.
The night before the appointment, she sat at the back door and cried. She wanted to go outdoors. It was like she knew what was going to happen and wanted to sit under the stars one last time before the end.
Topher and I sat out there for a long time, petting her as she purred and our tears fell.
I got up early Saturday morning and brushed her (her favorite thing) for hours, and she rubbed her boney little body up against me, letting me know that she loved me.
Usually she would got really upset on car rides and would cry, but not that day. She just sat on my lap looking out the window.
Taking her into that exam room was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. How could I lose my sweet furbaby? I knew that I couldn’t let my selfishness of wanting her with me outweigh her suffering.
They gave her some Valium which made her lay down, and watching my husband and child sob looking down at her nearly broke my heart.
The vet wanted me to let him know when I was ready for the final injection, and I pet her sweet body one more time and kissed her little face and nodded.
I know she will be greeted in Heaven by my Grandma and my aunt who were both huge cat lovers. I can see her sitting on their laps in their rocking chairs and watching down upon us.
I was so blessed by the amount of time I was granted with her, but at the same time it was just not enough.
Going home and putting away all of her toys and food dish killed me. The past few days, every time I walk around the corner and expect to see her laying there my heart aches.
God gives us these wonderful gifts called pets, but He can’t prepare us for the hurt we will feel when they are forced to leave us.
The same Humane Society that adopted her now has a cremation service, and I am going to get her ashes in a little bronze urn, and they are making me a little clay paw print to keep.
I am happy to have these, but am also dreading the day they arrive.
I know in time it will get better, but for now I have a hole in my heart where my best friend should be.
Oh, I’m so sorry. I know what you are going through. I’ve had to make that decision more times than anyone should have to, and know I’ll have to make it many times again in the future. As much as we love our furbabies, the truth is, they just don’t have the lifespan we do. You gave this special girl a good life full of love. She lived an incredibly long time for a cat. My own “heart” cat, Anya, was going on 20 when I held her in my arms and said goodbye. I’ve had three dogs live to 16 and another cat to 14, but never as long as we had Anya. Your Kitten looks like she was at least part Maine Coon, which is funny, since our senior boy’s name is Koneko, which is Japanese for “kitten” and he’s a Maine Coon with the same coloring. My daughters gave him that nickname when he came to our yard as a stray, although it was obvious he had been someone’s pet. My husband was adamant about NOT letting us keep him, so the name Koneko wasn’t actually supposed to be his name, but something to call him when he came up to us outside.
Two things I can tell you for sure. First, it WILL get easier, although you’ll never stop missing her. Secondly, Kitten would want you to save another cat in her place. Hopefully you will, although it might not be right away. You had a very special feline there. Know that she’s waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge and that you’ll see her again one day.
So very hard to do…my heart goes out to you. Bless you!!!
I am so very sorry for your loss! I know how much love a heart can hold for our little fur babies. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Oh my goodness, so sad to read. Much sadder for you, but I’m sitting her bawling my eyes out just reading this story, which is beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. I prayed for you Saturday as I knew it would be so hard. I went through the same thing with my Cinnamon and it was the hardest thing. I’m praying for comfort for you and your family.
So heartbreaking to read this. I went through the same thing when I had to say good-bye to my dog Molly. She was my soul-mate and I miss her. Hoping that one day your heart will feel lighter.
I am sorry for your loss. This will sound a little crazy but I had to put one of my dogs to sleep, as I was walking home crying my eyes out a “vision” for lack of a better term came to my mind, I could only see this not my surroundings. It was a sight I will never forget The sun was shinning (this particular day the sky happen to have been overcast where I live), I saw a beautiful woman standing in a lovely green field with a forest behind here. My dog came running to the woman’s side, my dog had the biggest doggie smile on her face, tail wagging away. The woman extended her arm for me to see the beauty of the place my dog would spend her eternity. My dog ran off towards the trees, as she was running off she looked back as if to say good-bye I will be fine. From that experience I know in my heart when it is time for our furry friends to move onto their next stage of life there is a special place in heaven for them to run and play or bask in the warmth of the sun to their heat’s content and we will see them once again when it is our time to make that journey. I hope my experience gives you some comfort in your time of grief.
That was beautiful. I had a dream right after we had to put our very old dog Lucky to sleep. My daughter and I were stuck in traffic. On the side of the road were two crumbling brick pillars and an old iron gate that was hanging off it’s hinges. Ivy had grown over the brass lettering that said Pet Cemetery. For whatever reason we turned into it and headed down an overgrown, grassy dirt road that wound through the woods down into a green field. It was dusk and as we came to the end we saw there were 5 or 6 other cars parked there and people standing near their car, just standing there. There was what looked like a section of a boardwalk with wooden doors, so many of them. We got out and also just stood there by our car not knowing why we were there or what was going on. The sun went down and doors started opening and dogs came running out, including our Lucky. They ran and jumped on their owners, some had kids with them and they ran into the field to play, which was now bright and sunny. Lucky was leaping up and down, which he hadn’t been able to do in years. Everyone was so happy and we enjoyed our time with him like never before. Then suddenly the doors opened again and all the dogs went scampering back up the boardwalk, taking final looks at their owners. It was sunny and green behind the doors and they were full of joy. And so were we. People were wiping their eyes but smiling too.
I will never, ever forget this dream and thought often of trying to paint it. They say when you dream of someone who passed, it was their way of visiting you to ease your pain. I believe that….
Thank you Darlene. I firmly believe that those who have gone on before us, be they human or not they are our loved ones and have the ability to contact us to let us know even though they are no longer part of our living world, they are forever with us. I hope you do find the way to express what you saw and experienced and place it onto the canvas. I envy your ability and talent.
What a touching tribute to your beloved Kitten. Since she lived to the age of 21 you spent more of your life with her than without.
It is true – she was one of the most unselfish & affectionate cats I have ever encountered & she gave all of us her undivided attention. If we neglected to pet her she would snuggle up to us rubbing her head under our hands until we gave her some love.
You are exactly right when you said she picked you. I believe there are no accidents in life – what drew you to the humane society that day was a divine message. How many of us have pets that we had no intention of acquiring? We just listened to that inner voice that said “Pick me & I will love you forever!”
I watched you trying over & over to save her but you made the right choice in letting her go. After all the years of pleasure she gave you, ,ending her suffering was the greatest gift you could give her.
Someone once told me they envied my grief when I lost a loved one. I didn’t understand how that could be true until she explained that grief was a gift – the extreme amount of pain you are feeling now is because you shared an extraordinary love for another for so long.
Kitten was your gift and she thanks you for her long & happy life.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t hardly type for crying, this breaks my heart. We have a little Schnauzer Scruffy, which just turned 10 yrs. old. I can’t imagine losing him. Animals are such great companions and will never turn against you…faithful to the end. She knew how much she was loved. She will always be in your heart. Praying that God will ease your pain. “RIP KITTEN”.
Thank you for your sweet words Terri. My oldest dog, who is my absolute baby is 9 and showing signs of slowing down a bit and it makes me an absolute crazy person thinking about losing her. We are so blessed to have them in our lives but it breaks your heart to have to let them go. Prayers to you and your baby.
She was a beautiful cat and I am so very sorry she had to go. She lived a long time and you gave her the best life she could have ever hoped for with lots of love and a warm family to enjoy. I am sorry for your loss. Hugs!
Thank you so much Jennifer. We were definitely blessed to have her for so long.
I am so truly sorry for the loss of your beloved Kitten. My heart ached and my tears flowed as I read your beautiful tribute to her. May God bless you and your family while you grieve. She will be waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge.
Thank you for your sweet words Karen.
HUGS! I had to experience that a year ago with my 15 yr. old cat, Roxxie. Nothing that can be said or done will change how you feel but I can tell you that it does get a little better each day. I had Roxxie cremated and she now resides in a beautiful mercury glass bottle, only the best you know :), on my tv stand where I can say Good Morning to her every day. My other cat, Citrus, is 18 yrs. old now and I sometimes wonder how long I have left with him. :/
Thank you Deana. We did get her cremated and she is in a little bronze urn beside our other cat who died two years ago. Hoping you and your other sweet kitty have a few more good years together.
I have totally sat here and bawled my eyes out reading this. I know how your heart must be hurting and I am sorry. She was obviously very loved, as were you.
I simply can’t read the rest of your dialogue about your kitty. As I know how you feel, deep down. I went through this myself and at times I still feel the sadness. I have a new kitty now, similar to the way you found yours, and she is the happiness of my day. But my first love will always be in my heart.
Thank you Kathy. I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m so glad your are giving another sweet kitty a good life.
God, just when I thought I didn’t have anymore tears to cry this week, as we have also been told our beloved, clunky, clumsy, ever happy, Basset Hound Franklin is incurably ill and must be put to sleep, I read your post. My heart is broken and every word you’ve written is empathized with in a way that is too freshly felt. I took the coward’s way out and told them to remove the IV because I wanted to take him home, I just wasn’t ready yet. I called and made the appointment and then cancelled it. I’ve resigned myself to it, sit on the floor hugging him, crying all over him and then he looks up at me and wags his tail and I think, just
a few more days. He’s not in pain, but so weak. He started eating since he’s been home (he refused to eat at the vet) and is just so happy to be home with his mom, dad and sister, and all of his 2 legged family members too. The clock is ticking and I relived that moment at the vet’s office with you. I’m so sorry for you and know what you’re going through. The pain of losing an animal is so intense, their innocence and total dependence on you to know when…seems to make that decision that much harder. Add to that their unconditional love and devotion and you are left in a heap of sorrow that is so great it does just what you said, leaves a gaping hole. Say a little prayer for me and mine as I face that last drive too. Tears and hugs to you…
Darlene (I’m ready for that beer now)
Now I’m crying for you Darlene! I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. I think it’s probably going to be even worse when it’s one of our dogs. Our oldest dog who is 9 is my absolute shadow. I go nowhere with out her and she is totally dependent on me. She is starting to slow down a bit and just the thought of something happening to her makes me a crazy person. It’s so wonderful that God gives us these amazing babies that enrich our lives but it is devastating when we lose them. You are in my prayers Darlene.
I’m so sorry you’ve lost your furry friend. I know exactly how she was…..we also have a Maine Coon. Derby looks almost exactly like yours and he was also a 4 week old rescue who was about to be left to fend for himself in the woods. He is so affectionate, loving, playful, and comes when called. He is now 4 and I hope we will be able to love him as long as you had yours. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the last photo because we also have a Bichon Frise and she is Derby’s best buddy. That photo could have been taken at our house 🙂
Thank you Cindy. It’s so hard when you love them so fiercely to lose them. I know that’s part of being a pet owner but it doesn’t make it any easier.
You’ve been in my thoughts Shanna. Your post was difficult for me to read, having just walked this same path with my beautiful Bichon, but I’m glad I did. It’s truly heartbreaking when we have to make these decisions and say goodbye to our fur babies. They are an important and much needed part of our families. I feel the pain in your heart xx
I’m sorry to open a wound for you Kerryanne. It’s just so hard when you love these babies so much, to have to say goodbye. My bichonpoo (which is my absolute shadow like yours was) is 9 years old and starting to slow down a bit and just the idea of losing her makes me a crazy person. Thank you for your sweet words.
So sorry that you had to say goodbye to your furbaby and hoping that as time goes by the blessings she gave you out weigh the loss you feel. It sounds like she had the perfect life being a part of your family.
I am so sorry for your loss , I cannot keep from crying (((((hugs))))) xoxoxo
Thank you Becky. I think it will just take some time. We have loved her for such a long time it’s so hard to say goodbye.
So sorry for your loss. I am sitting here reading your and crying because my Kelly, who is 18, is nearly at the same point in her hyperthyroidism. She is at my side whenever I am home and sleeps with me at night. I lost another kitty to the same disease about 7 years ago and he died with me by his side. I’m hoping my Kelly dies in her sleep and I don’t have to make the heart wrenching decision. Again, hugs and so sorry for the loss of your kitty.
Thank you for your sweet words Pam. Pets definitely become a member of the family and it is devastating to say goodbye. I know Kitten probably could have lived another 6-12 months but her quality of life was just not there anymore. I couldn’t make her keep suffering just to make myself not hurt. I know she’s in a better place now. Payers to you and your sweet kitty.
Oh, what a sweet puddy-tat. I’m so sorry for the loss of your furry family member. It’s always a hard decision to make but so not fair to allow our beloved furbies to live in pain and sickness. We had to let our pooch go a few months ago. Saying a prayer for your hurting heart.
Thank you Lynn. I’m sorry for your loss also. It’s such a blessing that they bring such joy to us, but it certainly is hard to say goodbye.
I had to stop reading and take a break.. mY heart is breaking for you such a huge loss. Your baby lived a ling and very full life.
Thank you Linda. I keep expecting to see her every time I walk around a corner. I was blessed that she was with me as long as she was and I am glad that I was able to give her a good life. Have a great weekend.
How lucky that you had Kitten and that she had you. There is something very brave and unselfish about holding your pet until the end. I know people that didn’t do that and their pet left this world with strangers because their humans thought it would be too hard. I think that is so sad. I am sure that it was very hard to do but how comforting for you to be the last thing she saw. My Westie is 11 and I know my time is limited with her even if she lives to her life expectancy that’s only about 4 more years. I have always vowed that I will hold her until she takes her last breath. Kitten deserved it and you gave her that last greatest gift. Prayers and hugs to you
Thank you so much for your sweet words Debby. Our vet told us that when people just drop off their pets to be put down they always look around the room for their owner. I agree that as hard as it was for me to bare, it was the right thing for her. It was the least I could do for her after all of the years of love and affection she gave our family.
So,so sorry for your loss. My heart and thoughts are with you and yours.
Sincerest regards, Judy Cholfe
Thank you so much Judy.
So very sorry for your loss. I was not a “cat person” until my daughter got a kitten and promptly moved somewhere he couldn’t go. He came to live with me for “a few months”….14 1/2 years ago! I can not imagine my life without him. I pray I am blessed with 21 good years (at least) as you were!
14 1/2 years is definitely quite a few months! It’s so funny how quickly they become part of the family. It’s just heart breaking when you lose them.
Having a pet as long as that is bittersweet. I also have experienced the loss of several furry loved ones in my lifetime. It sadly leaves a very big hole in your heart. I have always been told that these creatures are extremely fulfilled with the chance to have been loved for however long they are with us. My thoughts are with you and your family. This brings to mind the furry ones I have lost and a time to reflect on each one and the unique quality of each one…..
Thank you so much Nancy. I just keep expecting to see her every time I walk around the corner. I was so blessed to have her that long, it’s just so hard when you lose one of your babies.
My heart truly breaks for you…I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet kitty. I lost two of my cats last year {one to cancer and one to kidney failure}. Each was euthanized because they were miserable and in pain. As much as your heart is broken, you gave your kitty a gift. You loved her enough to let her go. She is now running free with my Zeus and Bear and all of the other angels—pain-free and happy in Heaven.
The pain from losing a pet never truly goes away but it does get better in time. Hang in there <3
Thank you for your support Kimberly. Sorry for your loss too. They bring you so much joy but it definitely hurts when they have to leave you.
I know what you’re going through. So sorry for your loss. Furry family members are very special.
Thank you Jan. They bring you so much happiness but it definitely breaks your heart when they have to leave.
My heart is breaking.
So heartbroken for you. Know that you loved her fiercely and best of all she knew that. Huge hugs to you.