If you’ve come here today looking for a fun new project and an upbeat attitude to start off the new year, you are in the wrong place my friends.
I have the plague.
We are talking the I’ve-been-wearing-the-same-pajamas-for–three-days, hair-in-a-matted-bun, haven’t-brushed-my-teeth-cuz-the-bathroom-feels-light-years-away, I’m-covered-in-used-tissues kind of plague.
Do you remember one of the worst viruses you have ever had? I know you do. The my-head-feels-like-it’s-going-to-blow-up, my-throat-is-covered-in-white-bumps, and every-inch-of-my-body-aches-including-my-fingernails sickness.
Well, this is how I am kicking off the new year.
I have a thousand projects I need to be working on, but I can’t because I have taken so much NyQuil I’m hallucinating. All these drugs are giving me crazy dreams that I’m back in high school, I can’t get my locker open, and I’m going to miss my finals. The only people happy that I’m sick are the dogs because with my fever, I’m radiating so much heat that they are keeping warm while it snows outside.
Topher is bringing me things when I need them, but basically he just throws them to me from across the room for fear of getting this crap. I swear he almost took out my eye when he threw the last Kleenex box at me.
Yesterday’s original plan was to take the tree down, but since I was pretty sure I was going to die, I thought I would like to have my pretty tree be one of the last things I saw.
So when you drive by my house and still see the sparkling lights through the window, do not judge and think what white trash I am, just know that on my death bed I am seeing 4 trees with my double vision.
P.S. If anyone knows of a sore throat remedy that keeps your throat from feeling like razor blades are dicing your tonsils every time you swallow, please let me know.